Journal of a Russian Imperial Guard soldier #18

Ipatiev House, July 1918

Guards were harassing the grand duchesses in their bedroom. They demanded the girls' bracelets and anymore valuables they may be hiding. I went in and told them to leave but they ignored me. When they grew more aggressive towards the girls, I wrested a pistol from their grasp and fired a shot across the room that got their attention. One of the thugs did a cut-throat gesture at me as I forced them out at gunpoint. They all reeked of alcohol.

The commissar came in shortly afterwards. I surrendered the pistol willingly, but he said that I will be expelled from the house for attacking his men. I argued that their hostile and drunken behaviour had forced my hand, but he was beyond reasoning. He gave me an hour to gather my belongings and say my goodbyes to the family, after which I will be escorted to the train station to rejoin the rest of the Romanov entourage.

Nicholas and Alexandra warned me to expect to be arrested once I step outside the fence. They are extremely sad to lose another loyal servant but Alexandra asked me not to endanger her family by trying to rescue them. When I left their bedroom, Anastasia quickly hugged me. There were tears in her eyes. She is afraid of what the Bolsheviks might do to me. We went back into the girls' bedroom. The grand duchesses are grateful for what I did earlier. I could not promise them if we will see each other again. They took turns to hug me, praying for my safety. Marie removed her necklace which carries a religious icon and hung it around my neck. She wants me to return it to her when we are reunited.

I implored Olga to end her rift with Marie. In return, Olga asked me to deliver a letter to her aunt if I see her. She does not want the secret police to intercept it. Marie assured me that she holds no grudges towards her sister. I told her to stay close to her family no matter what happens. I will be leaving my journal with them as a farewell gift. Just needed to destroy a few pages that are private to me. Olga, Tatiana, Marie and Anastasia: I want you all to know that I deeply care about you and that I will never forget you or your family. Take care of yourselves. Until we meet again.

Journal of a Russian Imperial Guard soldier #17

ГА РФ, ф. 640 оп. 3 д. 25 л. 72 фото 1070

Ipatiev House, 26 June 1918

The guards are gradually being replaced by Cheka agents. One of them fired a shot without warning at Anastasia when she kept peeking out of a fortochka. They scrawled obscene graffiti on the walls of the bathroom and lavatory. Tatiana and Dr Botkin appealed to the commandant to restrain his men, but they only fell on deaf ears. Olga, repulsed by their behaviour, avoids them entirely.

I overheard Alexandra chastising Marie for fraternizing with a guard. A commissar warned us of severe consequences if we speak with any of the guards again. Olga was perhaps the most unforgiving. She has not spoken to her sister since that morning. For the rest of the day, Marie stayed very close to me like an inseparable twin. She must have felt rejected by her mother and sister. I resumed my daily routine trying to ignore what happened. I later asked Marie if she was okay and she simply nodded.

Marie entered my room in the evening, asking if I could share my bed with her. She did not feel like sleeping with her sisters after falling out with Olga. I didn't pry about her association with the guard as she was still looking distressed. The bed is narrow, barely enough for the two of us. I told her that she could have it while I sleep on the floor, but she insisted on sharing. We were facing each other in bed. I could tell that she was still awake. A lot must have been going through her mind.

I almost forgot that it was her birthday. I could not find the right moment to say it to her until she was in my room. Marie opened her large blue eyes when I held her hand and whispered happy birthday to her. Without saying a word, she softly kissed me on the cheek and snuggled into my arms. She was so warm and I could feel her bosom heaving against me. It was breathtaking. I was glad to be of some comfort to her. Whatever God may be, I thank God for these few pleasant hours with Marie. Hopefully what happened earlier will soon pass with time.

Journal of a Russian Imperial Guard soldier #16

Ipatiev House, 23 May 1918

The guards kept most of the imperial staff on the train. Those who arrived were all soaking wet from the rain and struggling through deep mud. Tatiana had the most difficulty. She was carrying a heavy suitcase and her little pet dog Ortipo. None of the guards bothered to offer their assistance. They just gazed at her with contempt, as if she had committed a heinous crime.

While I assisted Tatiana with her suitcase, I noticed bruises on Nagorny's face. During their journey on the steamboat, the guards ordered the grand duchesses not to lock their cabin door. They took this opportunity to force their way in at night, threatening and harassing the girls. Nagorny was beaten up when he tried to stop them. But Tatiana assured me that she and her sisters were unharmed. She held my arm before I could confront the guards, urging me to accompany her into the house. She did not want any trouble. Once I took the girls upstairs to their bedroom, Tatiana placed Ortipo on the floor and turned to hug me. She was pleased to see me again.

Not long after their arrival, Nagorny was called into the commandant's office and escorted from the house a few minutes later. The guards will not tell us why. The Cheka conduct regular inspections of the house, meddling with our belongings. They confiscated many of the family's valuables, claiming they were for "safekeeping". Alexandra refused to let them take her or her daughters' bracelets. I do not know why the authorities would send secret police to guard the imperial family, but I am wary of them.

Olga, Tatiana and Anastasia found their first evening here discomforting. They were still worried about the guards. They agreed to let me watch over them while they try to sleep. Marie made me a cup of coffee before she went to bed with Anastasia, cuddling her close. Olga has been very quiet since she arrived. We have been in captivity for over a year now. Imprisonment is taking its toll on the family both physically and mentally.

Journal of a Russian Imperial Guard soldier #15

Александровский дворец, 1917 г.
ГА РФ, ф. 683 оп. 1 д. 125 л. 23 фото 389

Ipatiev House, April 1918

A political commissar took us to another location, this time to the city of Ekaterinburg in the Urals. Alexei was not well enough to travel, having fallen seriously ill a month ago. Olga, Tatiana, Anastasia and a few other captives stayed with him in Tobolsk. I accompanied the tsar, empress, Marie, Yevgeny Botkin and Anna Demidova to Ekaterinburg. Vasily Dolgorukov, Terenty Chemodurov and Ivan Sednev also came with us but they were moved into lodgings in the city. They will rejoin us later, or so the commissar claimed.

Our new accommodation is guarded by militiamen led by secret police known as the Cheka. Botkin, Demidova and I were forced to sign a written statement affirming our wish to continue serving the tsar, promising to obey the guard commandant of the ominously named House of Special Purpose, and considering ourselves of equal position with the imperial family. We were explicitly ordered to address the Romanovs only by their names. Our meals have been rationed. We are only allowed outdoors twice a day, but any form of manual labour is forbidden. All the windows are sealed shut and whitewashed, and the house is surrounded by a towering wooden fence. The place is a prison.

Guards are posted at every corner and anti-tsarist demonstrations can often be heard outside. When Marie and her mother conversed in English, a guard rudely interrupted and reminded them that only Russian is allowed. Marie's camera was confiscated as they forbid photography in the house. They did not even let her develop the film roll which contained photos taken while in Tobolsk. She misses the quiet peacefulness in Tobolsk. Nevertheless, she has not given up on the likelihood of her family being released and still longs for a new life either in the Crimea or England.

I met with the tsar one evening. I pushed him as far as I could to try and smuggle a letter to the nearby British consulate via a sympathetic guard, seeing as he often likes to try and speak with them. But in the end, he only smiled and talked of simple pleasures. He commended my loyalty and knows I am fond of his children. Never once spoke about politics. Just before he lit a cigarette, he asked me to call him Nicholas.

Journal of a Russian Imperial Guard soldier #14

https://www.kunstmuseum.nl/en/press/pierre-gilliard-last-days-romanovs

Governor's Mansion, late 1917

We left the Alexander Palace on August 1st and were taken to the town of Tobolsk in Siberia. The prime minister claims that the local populace is loyal to the tsar and the town is devoid of politics, making it a safer location than Tsarskoe Selo. The imperial family was dismayed that they were not going to the Crimea. Marie seems to like the mansion. She only wishes there were no guards. Some of the Romanov entourage are sheltered in an adjacent house, but they are often denied access to the imperial family.

The guards are intolerant of Anastasia. One day she borrowed Alexei's slingshot and launched a projectile at a sentry outside, hitting him in the head. She hid behind me as he ran up the stairs and angrily confronted us, confiscating the slingshot. Another guard forced the Romanovs to have their portraits taken by a photographer in an attempt to humiliate them. Anastasia did not comply and ruined her picture by making a face for the camera. The guard uttered profanities at her, and when Alexei demanded he apologize to his sister, he was shoved to the floor.

Before I could intervene, Alexei's guardian, Klementy Nagorny, lunged at the guard and beat him to a pulp. Nagorny was therefore banished to the adjacent house, though he was allowed to return the following day after the tsar pleaded with the commandant. He has no regrets attacking the coward for humiliating the Romanovs. Alexei used to have two guardians, both of whom were sailors from the imperial yacht. Following the revolution, only Nagorny chose to remain with the imperial family. Along with Ivan Sednev, Vasily Dolgorukov and Ilya Tatishchev, we are essentially what's left of the Tsar's Escort.

Anastasia came downstairs one freezing winter night. She was bored. I was keeping warm by the fireplace and she huddled next to me. We spoke to each other in English in case the guard standing near the doorway was eavesdropping. She likes having me around and hopes that I will continue to stay with her family, maybe live on a nearby farmhouse in the English countryside where we could often visit each other. She admits she'll miss seeing the sea. I haven't decided what I'll do once the Romanovs have settled down. I'll think it over after they're safely out of Russia. One thing's for sure, I would follow Anastasia and her family to the ends of the earth.

Journal of a Russian Imperial Guard soldier #13

Alexander Palace, July 1917

Marie is recovering well. The tsar visited her as soon as her health began to improve, carrying breakfast to her bed. Once she was free of her wheelchair, she would enter my room and sit at my bedside to watch me sleep, greeting me when I awoke. In the evenings she would come in and wish me goodnight. When she was in the mood, which happened often, she would hide behind the doorway and scare me when I emerged.

Shortly after the tsar abdicated, he received a telegram from his cousin, King George V, offering asylum in England. But the tsar was not prepared to leave until his daughters had recovered from their illnesses. No word came from the British ever since, thus the imperial family remain under house arrest. I have lived to see something which I have never expected. Royal cousins wage war across Europe, now one is afraid to help the other in need.

The guards instructed us that only Russian is to be spoken in the palace. The family is barred from using the telephone or receiving visitors and any outgoing letters will be examined by the guard commandant. We are forbidden from leaving the palace except for fenced in areas in the park. Olga recognized a former colleague of mine among the guards. While he explained to me his decision to side with the revolutionaries, Olga looked away. Once he was gone, she told me he was a vile man. Only a few guards show respect for the imperial family.

We celebrated Anastasia's sixteenth birthday in the palace. Her hair was finally pinned up and she now wears ankle-length skirts like her sisters. However, clumps of hair were falling from the girls' heads as a result of the measles. They all had their heads shaved on 22 June, which was a terrible pity for Anastasia. The Tsarevich Alexei also had his head shaved to show solidarity. They are not ashamed to show their bald heads while walking outside or gardening.

Anastasia collected a lock of her strawberry-blonde hair and gave it to me, something to remember her by should we ever part ways. In the garden, she lit up a cigarette and offered to share it with me. We took turns smoking it. I savoured the lingering warmth of her lips on the cigarette with each puff. She giggled when I choked. I will miss seeing her long hair. It will take a while for it to grow back. But now that Anastasia is old enough to wear a chignon, she has suddenly blossomed into a beautiful young lady.