Journal of a Russian Imperial Guard soldier #12

Alexander Palace, 8 March 1917

Empress Alexandra instructed us to remove the imperial insignia from our uniforms to avoid provoking the rebels when they return. Morale disappeared when we received news that the tsar has abdicated. With each passing day several colleagues eventually left the palace. The situation was hopeless to them. Their loyalty to the imperial family had been pushed to the very limit.

Large numbers of troops led by a general appeared outside the palace. He ordered us to unlock the gates, threatening to use force if necessary. An officer told us to either surrender our weapons and leave or report to a garrison in Petrograd, declaring that the Imperial Guard has been disbanded. Alexandra thanked the guards for their loyal service and presented those who greeted her with icons as a farewell gift. She later met the general and informed her remaining staff that they had until evening to leave the palace or be placed under house arrest with the family. A few have chosen to stay.

Alexei is feeling better but Anastasia has succumbed to the measles, followed by Marie soon after. I was allowed into the sickroom once, but on the condition that I made no mention of the abdication. Only Marie knows that her father has abdicated. The past few days were agonizing for her and she is worried for her parents. She continuously prays for her father to return home safely. Her only consolation is knowing that I did not forsake her family.

I watched over the girls for about an hour before I had to leave while the nurses tended to them. Alexandra has given me my own room in the palace now that I was free of my duties. I only intend to stay until the family's house arrest has been lifted, but she welcomed me to stay with them for as long as I like.

Before I left the sickroom, Tatiana noticed that I was still wearing my imperial insignia. She cannot hear me because her illness has led to temporary deafness. I took off my overcoat and draped it over her, which she clutched with her hands. Tatiana knows that I had worked long and hard to earn it, but I was happy to be rid of it. The imperial family is all that matters to me now.